Public Liability Insurance | Beware of these fakes!

Pensioner Cracks Insurance Trafficking Ring - Exclusive!

An insurance scam was broken up by border officers in a dramatic dawn raid in the early hours of Friday morning.

Eleven hermits have been arrested on charges of trafficking public liability insurance contracts with intent to supply. It is suspected that the hermits, who cannot be named for privacy and human rights reasons, originally co-ordinated their efforts, but soon began to operate independently. The contracts, believed to be the products of child labour, contain few elements common in traditional, British-produced liability contracts. Anonymous sources claim that some also smell strongly of high-strength lager, and can induce a powerful sense of disconnection with mainstream society.

Authorities were first alerted to the existence of the trafficking ring when a number of local geese lost a civil claim for injury of a trespasser on their commercial premises. It emerged they had been sold third-party cover in Flemish from the back of a van at the port of Dover. A local abattoir operative tonight described the geese's condition as "fatty but delicious."

In an exclusive interview, another of the victims of the scam, Sally Lukakis, 81, from Rotherhithe, told us;

"I always enjoyed a cake sale with the girls from my church, but we'd long been worried about the potential ramifications of an action for listeria poisoning or the like. Well one day, two very nice gentlemen showed up at my door offering us cover for all manner of liabilities. I felt a bit sorry for them really, they smelt quite strongly of wee. I only noticed that the contract was in Croatian after they left."

But Sally's nightmare had only just begun.

"A couple of weeks later this odd-looking man was nosing around my cinnamon buns at a raffle. I noticed his hair was ever so tangled, and he smelt a bit wet, but I thought nothing of it at the time. To my horror, a week later I was served with a multi-party suit for reckless endangerment of a breeding pair of gerbils. It was outrageous, I thought. He only bought a ginger loaf. Apparently gerbils can't resist ginger loaf. I mean, how could I have known it wasn't covered?"

Sally immediately contacted her local Hermits Assurance Group (H.A.G.) who successfully assisted her in preparing a description for the police.

Any member of the public who suspects they have been sold insurance by a hermit is urged to contact their local HAG without delay.